Last night I went by the dumpster again on the way into work. No produce this time but there was beer. Lots of beer.
There were bottles of Miller lime. Apparently my hard drinking co-workers prefer corona and actual lime to St. Louis counterfeits. There were also large cans of something called Ice House, apparently designed for two drinkers wanting to use both fists on one can. Never noticed cans of that proportion, but I am not a drinker.
As a teetotaler, this is not a great find for me, but in ordinary circumstances I would have grabbed it anyway. Its not like I don;t have friends that have or would like to develop a drinking problem. My wife had a similar brew with our oldest son's friends and reported liking the hint of lime in Bud Light Lime. Not sure whether it would be a good idea or not to take them to her. Not sure what that would say. She partied in her younger days in her hometown (where we live now). She gave up drinking entirely when she found she was expecting our oldest child. She had described herself as a problem drinker. Not an alcoholic, but simply a that couldn't say no to another. 2-3 were enough to wipe her out, but she regretted not stopping at say a beer and a half. Regardless, when I met her she hadn't had a drink for almost two years and continued her abstinence for the next 19 years that I have known her. She had a beer or two at the county fair here in her hometown last year and has resumed the occasional recreational beverage. I have been concerned but clumsy about how to express my support of her without condoning.
I never drank even a sip till we moved here. I have had a handful of drinks to show I don't look down on her drinking, but that misguided effort fell flat as she knows my heart isn't in it and can't let her hair down and enjoy a drink or two in my presence. She took to going out when I work night shift with her new found enthusiastic drinking buddies. I expressed some concern about that on many levels including the perception that a woman in a bar while her husband is at work sends a message of availability. She was understandably offended at the implication. Not my intention but its really tough to express concerns about this direction without giving offense.
Country music has been devastating me lately as I work the night shift. "I want my life back" by Bucky Covington played as the set up last night right before a song by Jimmy Wayne that seems apt. She was open and truthful with me about the fun she was having at the bar once frequented by a Supreme Court Justice. (No kidding!) She discovered shes a better pool player with a drink or two in her. She reported that the guys there are "so nice." This didn't reassure me. They were respectful. She was above reproach. She fell in love.
I can't help but blame alcohol in general and the lack of anything but bars in this small town specifically. There is obviously a lot more to the story including my own soul searched regrets about not making her feel valued and encouraging her objectification, but seeing this coming and not being able to get out of the way has been wrenching.
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